For I was Lukewarm and blinded by awards and prizes

I have, for most of my life, lived a lukewarm life so far. Only at moments does the intensity fuel the fire and passion. I have sometimes also been blinded by the awards and prizes which I have gained when the moments of intensity begun… sometimes I was proud, perhaps too proud of the prizes which I have won during my times in University, I may at one time have bagged the top prize among 6 Universities… and awards in the previous parts of my life…

but so what…

I have come to realized that these are ego boosters which sometimes blinded me from what really matters, a life of purpose. Silly enough to fool myself before that I felt these awards and prizes would make me a better person…in some ways it did…but the reason of getting these awards and prizes were wrong… I had wanted glory for myself and hopefully in some ways do the people who support me proud…

I could not be more wrong…
I have spent 5 years of my life studying Engineering, being one of the top in it, getting the awards and prizes that come with it, but what happens then? I am not an Engineer now, nor likely to be again in the future.

But was it a wrongful decision? No.
It was a ground that had demonstrated my abilities to others who needed to know that this person was someone who was capable and determined. If we go too deep and compare genetics to refer to IQ and stuff like that to reason out why a certain person excels at something, everything will seem logical right?

No.

I was first in my class when I was 10 years old,
I was near the very bottom of my school when I was 15,
I was in the top few when I was 18,

I assembled a full soccer team from scratch, convincing each person one by one until we reached 14 players, everyone of them were unwilling at first and have self doubts, in the hope of boosting all our confidence in ourselves.

I was one of the top five soldiers in my platoon when I was first recruited into the army,
I was the top physical trainee in my section of the air force.
I dropped from being the best physical trainee to a sergeant who have been injured and no longer combat fit. Humiliation as the eyes of many had turned. The fall from the top hurts like *.

I left for Australia.

I became the top few in University, bagged almost every award and prizes available, was invited to teach as a mentor and tutor in University, got into the Dean’s List, name in the honors board.

I became a PR of Australia.

I was rejected from a top company with the reason stating I was too good.
I was recruited into a good company as an Engineer with a manager who was grooming me to great heights.
I was ready to marry my girlfriend of 3 years, we lived together for 2 years plus.
It was a relationship never to be, things happened, she is now with a ex-friend whom I introduced.
I humiliated myself at trying to win her back.
I applied for a transfer to Singapore in the company where great prospects await.

I came back to Singapore.

I left the Engineering position and company.
I was devastated.

I tried to build back my life again by anticipating the future and do what I love to do instead of the normal ladder climbing corporate path.
I almost started a new business as I thought I was ready to shine again. But my heart was still broken.

Then life changed.

More people started to come into my life.
They became very important to me as they taught me many things, life, business and much more.
So much so much…
I joined a cause which I knew was right and truly believe in.
I made many mistakes but I learnt a lot what I wasn’t capable of and what I could excel in.

Then I met even more people, very positive people who begun to truly make a big difference in my life…

And here I am now…

What is ahead I know will be truly amazing and beyond what I can ever anticipate beforehand,
But I know it will be great…

Why?

Because after all the above, I have realized one thing.
I was lukewarm.
I did not truly believe.

But now.

I have Faith.
Faith in the Heavens.
Faith in the journey.

I was not punished, I realized, I was being shown the right way through pain.
I was spiteful, that “Why me?” when bad things happened to me.
I was forgetful, that when good things happened to me, I did not ask “Why me?”

Lukewarm in belief, lukewarm in faith, blinded by ego, made silly by pride…

Everything will be gone if I died today or in the future, it was silly to think that what I have achieved will live forever. It will not and was never meant to be. To want to be remembered for the sake of ego is meaningless.

Everything has its reason,
The lessons I have to learn in this life through joy or pain.

Everything has its reasons,
For if a person in the middle of a desert dying of thirst did not drop into the hole which someone pushed him into hoping he will just disappear, he may not have found out that there is water in it, in which saved his life.

My life has been saved by the angel the heavens have sent to enlighten me.

Faith.
The tests of life, overcome them one by one.

Through Faith, all shalt be done.

The journey of life continues…

Thank you for reading, my courteous readers.
Much appreciated.

Eric @MaynasEric

Thank you my friends for joining the journey and living it together with me 🙂